Reality Check

When it comes to dating, I don't think I'm the stereotypical girl.

I'm very independent and I like my space (unless you give me TOO much of it).  The words "I Love You" scare the shit out of me (even though I dream of the "happily ever after"). I like being in control (but I want the guy to lead). 

OK, OK, I am TOTALLY the stereotypical girl. I'm just like the rest of them. No wonder men can't figure out what the hell women want. It's because we don't know what we want half the time. Yes I admit it, I have no idea what I want. Well, that's not totally true. What I want is my "happily ever after." But I have no idea how to get it. One thing I do know, that fairy tales are all hype. Lies I tell you, lies. 

LIE NUMBER ONE: "Love at first sight" 

This does not happen. Sure, some old couple that has been married 50 years might tell you, "it was love at first sight," but I guarantee they will also tell you it was a whole lot of work to get to where they are now. What I'm learning, if you ever want to "fall in love," well, you better get the heck off the couch. Because love just doesn't happen, you have to work at it.

LIE NUMBER TWO: "Your prince sweeps you off your feet and carries you into the sunset." 

Stop it. Put me down...now! Do you know any guy that has ever done this? Better yet, what girl would let him? That is just highlighting insecurities, seriously. Let's be real, maybe in fairy tales this is romance, but not here, not now. A guy can't sweep a girl off her feet unless she lets him. And for me, this just ain't happening. What if he drops me? What if it's a sham? What if it's just "vacation dating" and it's not real? I don't know about you, but I have some trust issues that need sorting through before I can be whisked away into the sunset. 

LIE NUMBER THREE: "Prince Charming."

Prince Charming does not exist. Girls, you need to hear this again, Prince Charming does NOT exist. He was made up. He is a character in a fairy tale. We can't expect our men to be perfect. There has ever only been one perfect man, EVER, and I hate to break it to you ladies, but he was also God. So lets cut our guys some slack, and loose the list. Come on, we all have them, our checklist making up the qualities in our perfect guy. Well, in real life, I'm starting to realize that "the One" could be a totally amazing person and still not have all the check marks I'm looking for. That's because I'm looking for Prince freaking Charming, a fictitious character. 

So what does all of this teach me? That I should hate hate fairy tales and curse Prince Charming's name? Well, maybe. More so, it's my reality check. In my relationship I freak out...a lot! I worry (What if this is going nowhere?). I fret (Is this how I'm supposed to feel?). I have not so good days, followed by even worse days sometimes. But, this is real life, and for now, I'm going to keep living into it.

2 dates, 2 looks

Two weeks ago I went on 2 blind dates in one week. I know...CRAZY. For a girl who doesn't often go outside her comfort zone this was a big deal for me. After the week was over I realized I prepared for the dates in very different ways. For the first one, I was set up by a friend of mine

and went to get coffee together. I called a co

uple of my girlfriends to make sure what I was wearing was good and even stopped by a friends house to make sure I looked ok. I was assured by my 2 year old Godson that looked beautiful. Whew! and was on my way on to my date.

The following weekend I went on another date. A blind date with Jesus. I went on a retreat lead by the Dominican Sisters of Nashville and had no idea what to expect. Oh what a feeling that what I packed was not a worry. I had my comfy jeans, sweater, and even my glasses so my eyes would be comfy. What I wore in front of Jesus didn't matter. Even though I had no idea how the weekend would go, how I would react to so much alone time with him, or what my feelings would be toward him....I did not have to worry about what I looked

like.

What a great reminder of how God loves us. Girls worry so much about appearances but in front of Him all that goes away.

Why am I just now learning this?

I think I've just discovered the secret to why relationships are so dang hard:

I need to stop expecting men to be like women.

Really, I think I would have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had just realized this sooner. The word “expectation” is key. I tend to judge the other person’s feelings based on my own standards of action. For example, when I want to show affection, I’ll do it in a number of ways, like sending random notes or texts of the “I’m thinking about you” variety, getting dressed up, sending silly presents through the mail, talking about my feelings, writing letters on nice paper, buying special outfits, and a number of other things. When those “signs” – those things – don’t happen, I assume that the other person must not feel the same way I do. And then I become insecure and start making ridiculous demands from the other person as “proof” of his feelings. Or I assume that we’re “not communicating” simply because we’re not communicating my way.

This is faulty for a number of reasons:

1) So, he’s just supposed to read my mind? That’s not fair.

2) It’s selfish. Relationships are not all about me.

3) The reality is that men and women are different. So all those things that seem “normal” to me are not necessarily so for a man. I need to learn to appreciate and accept how men – and one man in particular – show affection instead of always waiting for them to act like me (and doubting, when they don’t).

This may not seem like earth-shattering news to anyone. But, frankly, I’m horrible at this – relationships, I mean. I’m really just starting to learn how much I don’t know. But I hope I will eventually come to accept the fact that I just don’t know what the heck I’m doing; I will slowly become less selfish and narrow-minded and learn to appreciate all those things that make us different, all the unknowns that make this whole process worth it.

Relationships are scary. But I think knowing this key thing – that men and women are different – might help…

And it never hurts to have a few good girlfriends who just get it.

We get things done.

Today Laura bought a new TV.

We were all pretty excited about it because our old TV was O.L.D. As in: I'm-not-turning-on-cause-I'm-tired old.

Laura recruited me to help her remove the old TV so that we could make way for the new one. Problem: this beast is HEAVY!!! We tried to lift it and quickly determined that there was no possible way we could move it. I'm just a little girl. And I didn't really want a broken toe. Or a hernia.

Somehow, against my better judgment, we found ourselves in the predicament illustrated by this picture.

We'd like to call it "creative moving."

cre*a*tive mo*ving

noun

The use of various household furniture (mostly of the living-room variety) to aid in the transference of extremely heavy objects in the absence of the help of strong men.

After a slightly panic-filled moment (on my part) of thinking, "Now what?" we managed to flex our muscles enough to heave the monster of an appliance across the room, where it now resides in peaceful ginormousness behind the air-hockey table (until we can bribe some of our stronger friends to lug it up the stairs and out to the dump).

It was worth all of the sweaty effort because...ah...sweet reward: our DVR'd shows never looked so good!